The following article contains spoilers for Rivals season two, episode one.
Break out the Bollinger: Rivals has returned, more than a year and a half on from its madcap first season, and we couldn’t be happier to be settling back into Rutshire, with its requisite polo, ponies and endless bonking. The opening episode, complete with outrageously ’80s costuming and irresistible needle drops, features a randy pool party, desperate yearning and more than one shocking revelation. Here are the 27 burning questions I was left with as the credits rolled. Now bring on the rest of the season.
- Why were the hosts of Uncensored speaking about Tony in the past tense?
- How come Tony wasn’t unconscious for longer? He’s just had a very traumatic blow to the head?
- Why do I love this crazy, tacky opening credits sequence?
- Wait, is this credits sequence giving us clues about what’s to come?
- How did Taggie get this good at making canapés?
- Should I move to the countryside?
- Couldn’t such a fancy house have a nicer sign on the gate?
- Was Valerie waiting at the top of the stairs to greet everyone from there so she looks more imperious?
- Has anyone else really missed this ’80s soundtrack?
- How has that Venturer/Corinium double agent still not been found out?
- Was double full frontal male nudity within the first nine minutes of the opening episode on anyone’s Rivals bingo card?
- Why is Taggie still pining after Rupert?
- Why isn’t Tony more badly injured?
- Why does Declan want to make a Yeats documentary?
- Why would the BBC commission this?
- Did Tony and Cameron spend the whole helicopter ride in silence?
- Why are the guys from Four Men Went to Mow randomly in costume and in this Corinium meeting?
- Does anyone on Tony’s team actually believe that he just fell?
- Who would want to watch polo on TV?
- Or in person?
- Am I supposed to be finding these polo twins hot?
- Why are polo matches so long?
- When Cameron speaks to Tony on the set, isn’t Tony still wearing a mic?
- How did Tony’s assistant survive that fall from the tree?
- How did Tony get into Rupert’s house?
- How will Tony get revenge on Cameron?
- Why can’t they just drop all the episodes at once like last time?
Rivals season two is streaming now on Disney+.